Dear Reader,

there will always be heartbreak in life.

I'm sure you have been a victim of this. It starts when you're six-years-old, and you accidentally leave your beloved doll on top of a bag in the airport, not realizing it's sitting there alone until you're miles away.

Your dog escapes from the backyard. You chase after it, wishing to catch her but knowing there's no real danger involved. Then before your eyes, she's hit by a car traveling far too fast to be in a neighborhood, and all you hear is your poor animal yelp in pain. Seeing her half walk half crawl to the edge of the street, leaving a trail of blood behind her, is more than enough to split a young girls heart in two.

I have always been a Daddy's girl. I love both of my parents equally, but for some God-given reason, I have a very tender spot in my heart when it comes to my dad. I went through a phase as a little girl where I had to say good-bye to my dad every morning before he left for work. I remember one morning specifically, when I was about seven or eight, when I awoke to the sound of my dad's truck starting in the driveway. My whole body started as I realized he was leaving and I had yet to say good-bye. I jumped out of bed, desperately trying to push down the fear that became a spark in the pit of my stomach. I flew down the stairs as that spark became a flame, burning my insides because I was afraid. For some reason, I was afraid of what would happen if I didn't say good-bye. My heart would break? His heart would break? Did my Daddy know that I thought the world of him? I had to tell him before it was too late. I ran out the front door and down the porch steps, pajama-clad and everything, and watched as my favorite man in the world drove away.

Dear Reader,

there will always be heartbreak in life.

I'm sure you have been a victim of this. So have I. It comes in different forms, but there is still the same feeling of resentment and disappointment, hurt and anger.

As the waves of pain come, don't try and stand up against them, for you will be knocked over by their strength. Instead, do as Shauna Niequist suggests in her book, Bittersweet: "Unclench your fists, unlock your knees and also the door to your heart, take a deep breath, and begin to swim. Begin to let the waves do their work in you."

Let the pain wash over your heart. Embrace it. Cry. Cry hard. Allow God into your heart, because when you feel the water is above your head and you can no longer breathe, you just might find in the end that He was holding your head up the whole time.

Fire

He is taking me through fire.

I find myself desiring for someone, anyone, to rescue me from these depths. I think things like "if only someone could come and be strong for me and get me out of this..." How silly of me; how naive. Do I know nothing of salvation? Have I forgotten what happened on the Cross?

He has rescued me.

He is refining me.

Abba, bring me through the fire once again.

happy, she said

I sit down at the table with my bowl of noodles. Picking up my book, I get ready to settle in for a lovely dinner and reading.

From across the table, she looks up from her Harry Potter book and smiles at me.

"What?" I ask her.

"Nothing," she replies. "I'm just happy."

My response is simply, "me too."

Smiling, I return to my book and noodles. Thank You, Jesus, for Jessica Flores.

Lions and Daisies

There is a ferociousness in my heart; a strong desire to chase evil, to vanquish the enemy of my soul! Take up your arms, you soldiers of the living King! Fight for Truth, Justice, the Name of Jesus Christ! Peace? There is no peace in this world, just a battle. I have peace in my heart that the battle is already won by Jesus Christ the Messiah, but around me peace is nothingness. The war rages without, within; it's a constant battle, a daily struggle. My light, my hope, is in the Name of Jesus Christ. He is victorious against the dark. Always.

And now quiet. He tells me to stop fighting, because I open my eyes and see I'm struggling against Him, the Lover of my soul. The peace within has become a distant light, a thing I ache for but cannot touch. Suffocation, then a setting free. Is it by my own hands I gain freedom? No. My works, my works, it's always my works that earn me this and that. No. Nothing I do can remove God's love, and so nothing I do can earn more of what He already gives freely, without cost. Unfathomable.

I'm in a field. The gentle breeze washes over the tall grass, and a million white daisies wave their hello at me. Peace, at last. Beauty. Jesus Christ has conquered death and sin and every being that is against me. I am His beloved, and He has taken care of me, allowing me to see Beauty through the darkness. Sweet, sweet Love. His love is too big for me, but I will accept all that I can. The weight has lifted, the darkness is no more, for Jesus Christ my Redeemer is here.

Surrender

I've been thinking about surrender today. I have lots of idea's of what I want my life to look like, and idea's of the kind of person I want to be. I've come to realize that while some of my idea's might be brilliant, they are not close to reality! I mean, I really don't think that I will be moving to Italy anytime soon (where I'll live off the money I make from my books, the next 'Harry Potter' series)...

I believe that I should dream big dreams. I believe that God dreams big dreams for me, too. (I also believe in magic.) I just have to remember that I do not see the big picture; God does! He knows what my future COULD hold, if only I will surrender my will and follow His! It's exciting really, because maybe living in Italy is in my future. Or maybe it's somewhere better, like... well, I can't think of anyplace better than Italy right now, but perhaps God has a good place in mind?

Surrender.

Submit.

Yield.

Lay down your arms.