do's and don'ts.

Things I do:

Above all else, I try to keep my faith in Christ at the very center of my life, the heart and source of everything. I trust God’s voice as my guide and Christ as my comforter. I pray, I practice confession and forgiveness, and I seek to see the world through the eyes of its Creator, believing everything can be redeemed. I’m part of my church community, volunteering on its behalf, and working to make a better city and a better world because of our church community.

I live in daily, honest, intimate community with the people at the Ranch. I give my time and energy and prayer to my immediate family and close friends. To a slightly wider circle of people, I give them my love and friendship through intermittent e-mails and very occasional visits.

I work hard to become a better writer with each page. I want to tell the truth as best I can, to tell the story of God and who he is and what he does, both through the way I write and the way I live. I write and read, in airports and coffee shops and book stores and on the dock by the creek. I read novels and magazines and children’s books and blogs and the Bible, and I couldn’t live well without those things.

And then there are, of course, a few other things I do, just for being a person in America who does not have a personal assistant and is not, say, the president. This list includes, but is not limited to: trips to Walmart and the bank, laundry folding, and occasional flossing. Even if I did have a personal assistant, I would stipulate that I still do my own flossing, because I’m just that grounded.

So those are the things I do, things I believe in or feel called to, or just things that fall within my area of responsibility on the planetary chore list.

Things I don’t do:

I don’t garden. As much as I like the idea of having my own garden, it’s not something I am willing to put the time and energy into right now. Gardeners talk about the spiritual implications of new life springing from the earth, or the deep communion with God that they experience as they lovingly tend to their herbs and flowers. But I’m going to have to miss out on all that, because, at least for now, no gardening.

I don’t always change my clothes just because I’m leaving the house. I wear sweatpants 95 percent of the time, and I pretend that other people don’t notice I’m wearing my pajamas in public.

I don’t always make my bed in the morning, standing firm on the adolescent belief that there’s no sense in doing something you’re just going to undo at the end of the day.

I don’t cook extravagant meals. I have recipes, and I follow them. I don’t try new meals all the time, because I love to bring food to the table with people I love gathered around, and it doesn’t need to be a stressful time for me. There’s a main course, a side dish maybe, some bread and salad. Throw in some iced tea and there’s a well-prepared meal, my friend!

Scrapbooking and photo album making are both on hold until I have my own family, although I do take pictures with family or friends and will hang them on my mirror or wall.

I don’t spend time with people who routinely make me feel like less than I am, or who spend most of their time talking about what’s wrong with everyone else and what’s wrong with the world, or who really like to talk about other people’s money.

I don’t go for runs. It’s bad for my knees, and I’d rather not have knee replacement surgery at 35-years. My forms of exercise are biking, swimming, playing on the ball field with the Ranch kids, or those fun little exercise videos.

through many tribulations

I began reading Desiring God (by John Piper) this morning. I have only read through half of the preface and already I am encouraged.

"Through many tribulations we must enter the kingdom of God." -Acts 14:22

"Indeed, all who desire to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted." -2 Timothy 3:12

Paul said that he was "sorrowful, yet always rejoicing." (2 Corinthians 6:10)

"The older I get, the more persuaded I am that Nehemiah 8:10 is crucial for living and dying well: 'The joy of the Lord is your strength'." -John Piper

Through the trials... I raise my hands and say hallelujah.

During dark and lonely nights... I raise my hands and say hallelujah.

When I'm at the absolute end of my rope... I raise my hands and say hallelujah.

Every time I lose patience... I raise my hands and say hallelujah.

Fallen to my knees... I raise my hands and say hallelujah.

Releasing all... I raise my hands and say hallelujah.

My only hope is You... I raise my hands and say hallelujah.

Hallelujah.

war wages against my heart

Over the last few days feelings have come up that I haven't wanted to deal with, so I did what I do best: I stuffed them down and tried to ignore them. Today, however, they decided to all resurface. I did my normal Sunday things: Church, leftovers for lunch, a good nap on the couch... and I did something abnormal: drove to Tulsa and had dinner with two of my old campers; it was quite fun! However, while I did my best to stuff those unwanted feelings, it was getting harder and harder to pretend. I nearly ran out of the church building, afraid that someone would notice something amiss in my smile.

So what are these "unwanted feelings", you ask? I'll tell you: truth. Justice. Integrity. Forgiveness. Worth. Love. Christ is overpowering me with these things and for some reason I am fighting. I am pushing Him away. Maybe I'm afraid that one day He'll change His mind and not want to love me? Perhaps all I see when I look at myself is someone so completely unworthy of Christ's attention, but I don't know how one goes about telling the Lord He's wrong.

He fills me up again

The wind became bitter,
The cold too harsh.
Leaves dried up, crinkled, and fell;
Now they are but crunches under winter boots.
The winged ones fly to safer places,
The woodland creatures bury themselves away.
Emptiness, hopelessness, despair, death.
It can be overwhelming,
Life can seem impossible.
Then, in the middle of a brown forest, you see it:
One little green piece of life.
A reminder, a promise.
Warmth is coming again.
Life is coming again.
Hope is here...
He is our King, forever and ever. Amen.

It's all around

I prayed this morning for God to reveal His beauty to me.

Then I looked around and realized I was sitting on a deck overlooking the creek, surrounded by towering trees whose leaves were dancing in the wind. Birds were chirping, and I could hear kids laughing down stream... I was surrounded by His beauty, I just didn't realize it until my eyes were unveiled. How did that happen? Confess my sin. Receive His forgiveness. Ask for revelation.

I wrote in my journal at that time: "it's a matter of releasing my worries and doubts and every sin that blinds me to His goodness - then I see His beauty..."