prized people

All kinds of people have made quite an impression on my life.

There are some people who have known me my whole life; they've continued to love me and take care of me, and they remind me of who I am at times when I forget.

Others came into my life during my teen years... these are pretty unforgettable. They were absolutely crazy, and wonderful, and joyful. They taught me to be ME, and to not be any different.

Still more entered my life that have encouraged me, challenged me, deepened my faith, and caused me to truly ENJOY life.

I am so thankful for the many people I know. The care, the laughter, the wisdom, the vanilla Dr. Peppers, the LOVE. I always hope that I tell every person that touches my heart, how much they mean to me. Their words and hugs and laughter has opened something in my soul that has allowed me to be ME, to understand worship and life and love.

Here's to many more days with these wonderful people! Thank you. :)

a desperate heart cries out,
longing to be set right.

a heaviness sets back in,
that reminds her of the darkest night.

her head hurts, her skin is cold,
her breath is shaky, her head is aching.

desperation almost overwhelming,
tears won't come for fear of faking.

yet a sadness deep within,
won't let the walls hold her back.

sinking, sinking, sinking,
through her eyes is fading, and black.

as a child

Introspection. That's something I need to do less of. People may have expectations of me, and I may have expectations of myself. But as for today, I choose to not to care.

"I need to save money for this, I need to save money for that, I need to lose weight, I need to look at college options for next year, I need to be a better daughter, a better sister, a better friend..."

Those may be things I need to do, but I realize I continue to miss the heart of it all. When I am looking at me, I hardly ever see good things. That is why I need to look at Jesus and never look away. When he is at the center of everything I do, those "needs" seem to fall perfectly into place. Crazy, huh?

I sat in a gazebo at the Ranch today, just thinking. Just listening. Then it came to me. I try to fit this stereotype. I'm 23-years-old, I am trying to (mostly) support myself. Dad still helps with the big things like insurance. I am 23-years-old, I am trying to be a mature woman. I am trying to be witty, and smart, and clever, and in shape (doing poorly at this), and healthy, and wise, and caring, and this, and that.... it's exhausting. Plain and simple. I wear myself out, get mad, give up. Yes, I throw inward temper tantrums. I am 23-years-old, thank you.

Do you know what I WANT to be? A 23-year-old imaginist. A 23-year-old reader of wonderful books, like Peter Pan or Bridge to Terabithia. I want to watch animated movies. I want to admit to the whole world that I want a pet dragon. I want to be like Ginny Weasley when I grow up. I want to fly. I want to dream up this whole wide world and everything that could be, and BELIEVE in it. I don't care if it sounds silly; you're probably right. But as for today, I choose not to care.

I shall be as a child. I'm probably going to have more fun than you today...

My Rescuer, My Savior

Jesus Christ didn’t just rescue us from something; He saved us for something!

“For He has rescued us from the dominion of darkness...” (Colossians 1:13a)

Dominion – power, authority, control.

The ‘darkness’ refers to sin, the father of lies satan, and every evil thing.

We are no longer under the authority of satan. We are no longer under the control of our sinful nature.

“...and brought us into the Kingdom of the Son He loves.” (Colossians 1:13b)

The Kingdom of Jesus Christ, where there is no more sin, no more suffering.

I am reading a book by Kris Vallotton; in the third chapter he talks about our imagination being linked to our hearts. What I imagine myself to be, that is what I become. “For as a man thinks in his heart, so is he.” (Proverbs 23:7) Vallotton says “that which you focus on will determine your reality.” (The Supernatural Ways of Royalty) Thinking happy thoughts really does make a difference! “Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it springs the issues of life.” (Proverbs 4:23)

Dwell on this: you have a God who LOVES you. You are rescued from the dominion of darkness. You have been brought into the Kingdom of His Son!

this chapter

Yesterday I filled out a self-evaluation for work. I really don't like those things, but I suppose it's good to ask questions and ponder answers.

In one of the sections I was required to "name 3 things you would like to see happen in your life or in your ministry over the next few years". I filled out the first two blanks, but for some reason I could not decide on a third. I was thinking things like "I would love to go sky diving" and "I want to see a hundred African kids well-fed and laughing and dancing" and "I want to travel the world and write stories about the people I meet" and "I want to act in a movie" and "it'd be really cool to learn how to fly"...

There are so many wonderful things I want to see and experience in this life. I move forward, I wait, I'm stubborn and lazy, then I move forward again. Impatience and discouragement come, followed by inspiration and motivation. This is life. It's broken, it's beautiful.

I am happy to say that in this chapter of my life, I get to spend my time with wonderful people, live and work at a wonderful place, and bask in the knowledge that I will forever find delight in a wonderful Savior.