Fire

He is taking me through fire.

I find myself desiring for someone, anyone, to rescue me from these depths. I think things like "if only someone could come and be strong for me and get me out of this..." How silly of me; how naive. Do I know nothing of salvation? Have I forgotten what happened on the Cross?

He has rescued me.

He is refining me.

Abba, bring me through the fire once again.

happy, she said

I sit down at the table with my bowl of noodles. Picking up my book, I get ready to settle in for a lovely dinner and reading.

From across the table, she looks up from her Harry Potter book and smiles at me.

"What?" I ask her.

"Nothing," she replies. "I'm just happy."

My response is simply, "me too."

Smiling, I return to my book and noodles. Thank You, Jesus, for Jessica Flores.

Lions and Daisies

There is a ferociousness in my heart; a strong desire to chase evil, to vanquish the enemy of my soul! Take up your arms, you soldiers of the living King! Fight for Truth, Justice, the Name of Jesus Christ! Peace? There is no peace in this world, just a battle. I have peace in my heart that the battle is already won by Jesus Christ the Messiah, but around me peace is nothingness. The war rages without, within; it's a constant battle, a daily struggle. My light, my hope, is in the Name of Jesus Christ. He is victorious against the dark. Always.

And now quiet. He tells me to stop fighting, because I open my eyes and see I'm struggling against Him, the Lover of my soul. The peace within has become a distant light, a thing I ache for but cannot touch. Suffocation, then a setting free. Is it by my own hands I gain freedom? No. My works, my works, it's always my works that earn me this and that. No. Nothing I do can remove God's love, and so nothing I do can earn more of what He already gives freely, without cost. Unfathomable.

I'm in a field. The gentle breeze washes over the tall grass, and a million white daisies wave their hello at me. Peace, at last. Beauty. Jesus Christ has conquered death and sin and every being that is against me. I am His beloved, and He has taken care of me, allowing me to see Beauty through the darkness. Sweet, sweet Love. His love is too big for me, but I will accept all that I can. The weight has lifted, the darkness is no more, for Jesus Christ my Redeemer is here.

Surrender

I've been thinking about surrender today. I have lots of idea's of what I want my life to look like, and idea's of the kind of person I want to be. I've come to realize that while some of my idea's might be brilliant, they are not close to reality! I mean, I really don't think that I will be moving to Italy anytime soon (where I'll live off the money I make from my books, the next 'Harry Potter' series)...

I believe that I should dream big dreams. I believe that God dreams big dreams for me, too. (I also believe in magic.) I just have to remember that I do not see the big picture; God does! He knows what my future COULD hold, if only I will surrender my will and follow His! It's exciting really, because maybe living in Italy is in my future. Or maybe it's somewhere better, like... well, I can't think of anyplace better than Italy right now, but perhaps God has a good place in mind?

Surrender.

Submit.

Yield.

Lay down your arms.

January 23rd. That's all it is.

I am currently sitting in the main office at New Life Ranch; it feels good to be home. It was my hope that in sitting here I might find a fellow bored soul to hang out with, but here I am, still alone. I'm okay with that for now, I'm just itching for some adventure!

Anyway, I remember that while I was typing up my last post (unfortunately dated back in September), I felt confused and unsure about what I was doing in Stillwater. So much doubt. Blaise Pascal said that "the heart has its reasons of which reason knows nothing", but I like to kindly change 'heart' to 'Lord'. God has been revealing Himself - slowly, but surely - to me. Right now that's all that life is to me: one thing after another, just God loving and blessing me. I am living from glory to glory! It's time to have a thankful heart.

It's been raining all day. I don't like the cold so much, but the constant downpour reminds that spring is on its way! I like spring. I like the warmth, the color, the fresh air... it reminds me of my childhood, when my siblings and I could easily spend the entire day in our backyard. That reminds me of those ice pops that we used to get every summer; I remember the orange ones were always left, because none of us liked that flavor.

This was a very random post, I know. I've wanted to write something on here for so long but wasn't sure what, so I figured I should just start. My mind and heart are kind of, what's a good word to describe them? foggy? I feel I've been trying to clear them for a long time now, trying to get back to the person I used to be. Now I realize that all along I've needed to move forward, striving to be the person I want to be.

Many more random posts to come,

Ally