through many tribulations

I began reading Desiring God (by John Piper) this morning. I have only read through half of the preface and already I am encouraged.

"Through many tribulations we must enter the kingdom of God." -Acts 14:22

"Indeed, all who desire to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted." -2 Timothy 3:12

Paul said that he was "sorrowful, yet always rejoicing." (2 Corinthians 6:10)

"The older I get, the more persuaded I am that Nehemiah 8:10 is crucial for living and dying well: 'The joy of the Lord is your strength'." -John Piper

Through the trials... I raise my hands and say hallelujah.

During dark and lonely nights... I raise my hands and say hallelujah.

When I'm at the absolute end of my rope... I raise my hands and say hallelujah.

Every time I lose patience... I raise my hands and say hallelujah.

Fallen to my knees... I raise my hands and say hallelujah.

Releasing all... I raise my hands and say hallelujah.

My only hope is You... I raise my hands and say hallelujah.

Hallelujah.

war wages against my heart

Over the last few days feelings have come up that I haven't wanted to deal with, so I did what I do best: I stuffed them down and tried to ignore them. Today, however, they decided to all resurface. I did my normal Sunday things: Church, leftovers for lunch, a good nap on the couch... and I did something abnormal: drove to Tulsa and had dinner with two of my old campers; it was quite fun! However, while I did my best to stuff those unwanted feelings, it was getting harder and harder to pretend. I nearly ran out of the church building, afraid that someone would notice something amiss in my smile.

So what are these "unwanted feelings", you ask? I'll tell you: truth. Justice. Integrity. Forgiveness. Worth. Love. Christ is overpowering me with these things and for some reason I am fighting. I am pushing Him away. Maybe I'm afraid that one day He'll change His mind and not want to love me? Perhaps all I see when I look at myself is someone so completely unworthy of Christ's attention, but I don't know how one goes about telling the Lord He's wrong.

He fills me up again

The wind became bitter,
The cold too harsh.
Leaves dried up, crinkled, and fell;
Now they are but crunches under winter boots.
The winged ones fly to safer places,
The woodland creatures bury themselves away.
Emptiness, hopelessness, despair, death.
It can be overwhelming,
Life can seem impossible.
Then, in the middle of a brown forest, you see it:
One little green piece of life.
A reminder, a promise.
Warmth is coming again.
Life is coming again.
Hope is here...
He is our King, forever and ever. Amen.