Introspection. That's something I need to do less of. People may have expectations of me, and I may have expectations of myself. But as for today, I choose to not to care.
"I need to save money for this, I need to save money for that, I need to lose weight, I need to look at college options for next year, I need to be a better daughter, a better sister, a better friend..."
Those may be things I need to do, but I realize I continue to miss the heart of it all. When I am looking at me, I hardly ever see good things. That is why I need to look at Jesus and never look away. When he is at the center of everything I do, those "needs" seem to fall perfectly into place. Crazy, huh?
I sat in a gazebo at the Ranch today, just thinking. Just listening. Then it came to me. I try to fit this stereotype. I'm 23-years-old, I am trying to (mostly) support myself. Dad still helps with the big things like insurance. I am 23-years-old, I am trying to be a mature woman. I am trying to be witty, and smart, and clever, and in shape (doing poorly at this), and healthy, and wise, and caring, and this, and that.... it's exhausting. Plain and simple. I wear myself out, get mad, give up. Yes, I throw inward temper tantrums. I am 23-years-old, thank you.
Do you know what I WANT to be? A 23-year-old imaginist. A 23-year-old reader of wonderful books, like Peter Pan or Bridge to Terabithia. I want to watch animated movies. I want to admit to the whole world that I want a pet dragon. I want to be like Ginny Weasley when I grow up. I want to fly. I want to dream up this whole wide world and everything that could be, and BELIEVE in it. I don't care if it sounds silly; you're probably right. But as for today, I choose not to care.
I shall be as a child. I'm probably going to have more fun than you today...
